Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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