the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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