I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize