Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
