I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
