Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I cannot find my penis.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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