No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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