she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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