the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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