i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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