the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
