so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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