I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Someone signed my nipple.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
