You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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