Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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