He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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