I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
