Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
