Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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