Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
