I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
