A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize