Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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