if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
