Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
