i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
