apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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