please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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