yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
