I wish you could order shots online.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
