A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
