I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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