Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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