she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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