So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
