Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
