she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
