You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Success! We fucked roommates!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
