I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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