so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
