my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Your penis caused this!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
