I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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