I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
