You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
