And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
