Can Purell be used as lube?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize