I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
