Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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