I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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