yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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