Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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