so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
