He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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