everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
