I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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