Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
