i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
