next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
