in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
