Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
