just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
