I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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