Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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