After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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