What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
