OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
