that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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