I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
