Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
