First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
