Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I didn't shave. On purpose
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
