May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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