yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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