smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
